Your divorce is intensely individual. Unique. Personal.
Unfortunately, it’s treated very generically by the court system. The impersonal paperwork. The standardized court sessions.
Unless you take action, you can be swept along with the system, uncertain of where you are or what is happening. When all is said and done, you have a divorce decree … but you may have lost everything of importance to you in the process.
As a divorce coach, I help you own your divorce. I look at it this way:
This is your divorce.
What do you want from it?
My approach is based on personal experience. In my divorce, as I look back on it, what was truly amazing was that nobody involved in my divorce ever asked me what I wanted from it. Do I need to tell you that I didn’t get many things that were very important to me?
I will not let that happen to you. You can have a lot to say in your own divorce. There is a lot you do have control over. You should not feel pressured into accepting the unacceptable by anyone – not your spouse, not your family, not even your attorney.
I encourage you to picture your divorce as a chessboard. All the issues at stake – children, money, assets, debt, etc. – are your chess pieces. Your spouse has a similar set of issues on the board in front of him or her.
I will help you identify your king. What is most important to you? This is unique to each person. For some people, it’s custody of the kids. For others, it’s health insurance. It can be staying in the house. It may be future security or retirement. Or maybe it’s an intangible such as peace of mind or increased self-esteem.
We will then determine your queen. This is the issue that is second only to your king in importance.
Once you have determined your king and queen, you know what you are protecting. Everything else – while still important – is negotiable. You can move these pieces back and forth on the chessboard as you negotiate. Sometimes, you will have to give up a piece to protect your king or queen. You will know that the sacrifice is worth it, because you are protecting what is most important to you.
Think of me like a chess coach. I help make sure that at the end of the game, your king and queen are still standing strong. I will work with you to negotiate so that you’re satisfied with the results.