This is your divorce. What do you want from it?
I am often asked, “Why do I need a divorce coach? Isn’t that what an attorney is for?”
To answer that question, take a step back. Think about all the most important events in life: a wedding, a birth, a death. In every case, we have a team of people to support us. Divorce should NOT be any different. Why rely on a single attorney to help you through this stressful life event?
A divorce coach is an important part of your support team, serving several vital functions:
- Chief Operations Officer (COO). If you think of yourself as the CEO of the divorce, then I am the COO. I help strategize and organize all the nitty-gritty details that have to happen … the calls to the insurance companies, the accountants, the attorneys, etc.
- Sounding Board. The time you spend with your attorney is critical, but it is also expensive. I will help you prepare for your face time with your attorney so that you get the biggest return on the investment you are making in your legal counsel.
- Educator. It’s easy for your attorney to assume you know more than you do about legal issues, court protocol, and divorce scenarios. In fact, you yourself may not know what you don’t know – and that is a recipe for divorce disaster. I make no such assumptions: I’ll educate you on the divorce system and answer any questions you have so you can feel confident and competent at every stage of your divorce.
- Objective Perspective. Your family and friends are obviously a key part of your support team, but they are often emotionally enmeshed in the divorce, making it hard for them to be objective. As an outside third party, I can help you avoid emotionally-based judgments and make rational and logical choices. Your decisions will be in effect for a long time: you want to make sure they are solid and suited to your situation.
- Personal Coach. Divorces involve many issues that aren’t legal in nature. If you have a burden you need to process, I will listen to you and coach you through it. I will also help you move forward to create a better future for yourself. After all, divorce is an ending of some things, but it is also the beginning of many others.
Remember, your attorney is primarily focused on meeting your legal needs. They may have dozens of clients whose paperwork is being processing at the same time, making it hard to interact with you on a personal level in the way that you need and want.
As your divorce coach, I am your personal advocate from start to finish. I look at both you and your divorce holistically, and work to create a personalized and strategic approach that will see you through to a better place
Your divorce is intensely individual. Unique. Personal.
Unfortunately, it’s treated very generically by the court system. The impersonal paperwork. The standardized court sessions.
Unless you take action, you can be swept along with the system, uncertain of where you are or what is happening. When all is said and done, you have a divorce decree … but you may have lost everything of importance to you in the process.
As a divorce coach, I help you own your divorce. I look at it this way:
This is your divorce.
What do you want from it?
My approach is based on personal experience. In my divorce, as I look back on it, what was truly amazing was that nobody involved in my divorce ever asked me what I wanted from it. Do I need to tell you that I didn’t get many things that were very important to me?
I will not let that happen to you. You can have a lot to say in your own divorce. There is a lot you dohave control over. You should not feel pressured into accepting the unacceptable by anyone – not your spouse, not your family, not even your attorney.
I encourage you to picture your divorce as a chessboard. All the issues at stake – children, money, assets, debt, etc. – are your chess pieces. Your spouse has a similar set of issues on the board in front of him or her.
I will help you identify your king. What is most important to you? This is unique to each person. For some people, it’s custody of the kids. For others, it’s health insurance. It can be staying in the house. It may be future security or retirement. Or maybe it’s an intangible such as peace of mind or increased self-esteem.
We will then determine your queen. This is the issue that is second only to your king in importance.
Once you have determined your king and queen, you know what you are protecting. Everything else – while still important – is negotiable. You can move these pieces back and forth on the chessboard as you negotiate. Sometimes, you will have to give up a piece to protect your king or queen. You will know that the sacrifice is worth it, because you are protecting what is most important to you.
Think of me like a chess coach. I help make sure that at the end of the game, your king and queen are still standing strong. I will work with you to negotiate so that you’re satisfied with the results.