“After 8 years, my family is finally on my side.”

A prospective client called and reported this recently. Her husband, as seen by outsiders, is a great guy: funny, generous, likeable, successful, good looking, and a family favorite. On many levels, that’s all true. Until he gets inside the house. As soon as the door closes, he becomes an unrecognizable monster. She spent time explaining her position. She thought she might be seen as dramatic. She was assured that she wasn’t alone in this hell!

 
This woman had spent 8 years, more than half of their married life, trying to convince her family of her reality. She wasn’t making up stories. She really lived with someone unknown to outsiders. Her hesitation to end the union was her concern over what others would think. She knew she’d be faced with questions like “why would you divorce such a great guy?”

 
And then COVID-19 happened, and she knew she couldn’t wait any longer. They didn’t experience the relief of going to school, of his going to the office, or being able to move freely about town. She needed a plan to separate from her husband. She wanted to formulate a thoughtful, step-by-step guide to dismantle the life they had built. Divorce is never easy but it’s in your best interest to know when you’ve reached the end. And once you’ve reached the point of no return, it’s time to build a divorce team. A divorce team is to a marriage what a demolition team is to a home renovation. It all needs to be dismantled, carefully, so you don’t, unknowingly, pull down a primary support beam.

 
With a great demolition team, made up of professionals as well as friends and family, you can begin the work. Begin with lot of questions to everyone you know who has gone through the process, find a therapist, join a support group (check Facebook) or start one, find ways to take care of yourself and know when you’ve reached your limit. Know when to hit pause, whether caused by time, financial, emotional or social constraints.

 
You can do this! And if your first team isn’t perfect from the outset, slowly replace or delete a weak link! You don’t have the time or energy for negativity! Pragmatic, sage advice is one thing…doom and gloom is another. It won’t be an easy path, but you’ll get through it with the right team!